Dick “Two Ton” Baker was a Chicago staple when I was growing up; probably the most friendly happy-go-lucky guy on kid’s television. He and I had many lunch time meetings together and he had an influence in the development of my personality and taste in quirky music.
“Two Ton” was large, over 300 pounds, but we kids (and I’m certain many adults) used that name as a term of endearment due to his jovial, easy going style. His noontime show in the 1950’s, The Happy Pirates,” was just as regular to me as my mom’s peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
He welcomed us aboard his pirate ship, which many kids thought was docked along Lake Michigan someplace, and they wouldn’t be too far off since the show was shot in a television studio in Chicago.
He was joined by a porpoise named Bubbles and a parrot named Squawky who, as I remember, would walk across the top of his piano as he belted out humorous ditties for his audience,
They were happy, frivolous songs (with a deeper meaning we kids didn’t always get) such as “Fuzzy Wuzzy was a Bear,” “I’m a Little Teapot,” and “I’m a Lonely Little Petunia.” Songs that were fun but let us know you could be different and still be okay.
I learned later on that Baker wrote and composed quite a few popular songs like “Civilization,” made famous by Danny Kaye or “Too Fat Polka” recorded by Arthur Godfrey. His discography is impressive and songs like “I’m a Little Weenie,” and “I Like Stinky Cheese,” are cult favorites.
The Happy Pirates was a fun show yet educational in its own way. We learned how to sing and act out songs (here is my handle, here is my spout), we learned nutrition (in a way) with daily lunch menus which were also introduced by song such as “Today is Friday, Friday: Fish. Is everybody happy?” I’m certain we had fish on Friday introduced for the benefit of any Catholic viewers (Mommy, how come Two Ton can have a hamburger and not me?).
Every summer, Two Ton would be the spokesperson for Riverview Amusement Park (another story) and I remember one commercial where he was sitting in one of the cars for the newly installed Wild Mouse ride. I was surprised he could even fit in the car much less ride the tracks. My guess is he never left the station and they filmed him giving the illusion he just finished the ride, otherwise it may have wound up, along with Two Ton, in the Chicago River.
Dick Two Ton Baker died in the mid 1970’s and, over the years, I read about the passing of many of my early childhood idols: Buffalo Bob Smith of Howdy Doody, ventriloquist Paul Winchell, the voice of Jerry Mahoney and also Tigger from Winnie the Pooh; Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Greenjeans (also the voice of Little Orley), John Conrad of Elmer the Elephant, and Frazier Thomas from Garfield Goose and later, Bozo’s Circus.
My memories are enhanced nowadays, with use of the Internet and sites like You Tube where I can browse around and find my old TV friends still active, still alive, in a short kinescope of one of their early programs which somehow survived, telling me not to sit too close.
I guess I’m still “a little weenie.”
